I am an Ultra-Conservative, Alpha-Male, True Authentic Leader, Type "C" Personality, who is very active in my community; whether it is donating time, clothes or money for Project Concern or going to Common Council meetings and voicing my opinions. As a blogger, I intend to provide a different viewpoint "The way I see it!" on various world, national and local issues with a few helpful tips & tidbits sprinkled in.
Parenting from a new father’s perspective. First I would like to share my thoughts on Fatherhood.
Fatherhood is a 'true joy' and the “Best thing I ever did” or better to correctly say, the best thing to happen to me. Not that Carrie and I didn’t plan my daughter Ria, because we did, but that GOD allowed me to feel the love and joy of fatherhood. Gone were the feeling and thoughts of holding something so small and precious all the while feeling I could accidentally break her or the guilty feelings of having Ria to hold close to my heart while she sleeps and not being able to do this with my son Ryan. No father should ever have to bury his children or know the pain left by the void, as others and I have.
Scars don’t move or go away, but they do heal and fade a bit. But, this makes my time with Ria all that more special. Fatherhood completely changes your perspective and certainly takes the focus off yourself, but having kids is really the most extraordinary thing I've ever taken on and have had the pleasure of doing. Seeing my daughter smile and laugh is the greatest joy I could ever ask for!! I can barely wait to what is to come.
Advice from others comes fast and most are upset when the advice is not taken. I know everyone means well, but I listen to all, but take only those I find meet my ideals. One person was even mad to the point she said that things don’t change and my kids turned out fine.
I look at this way, if they were having kids now, they would do the things that the experts say today to do. Those that act that way need to remember, did they take all the advice that was given to them? Family is the most important thing in life, and I look forward to my kids doing better than I. If they don’t, then I failed them. One must not be envious or jealous when the children do better then the parents, that is the way of the land.
Family is kids, mother and father period. The extended family is great, but the internal family of the kingdom is what matters. When people live under one roof a society forms. A pecking order and government with laws, rules, and commandments, so know your place in it and know their place. I believe we are all equal, but we are not all the same, and that equality within society and the law should give the benefits to those individuals seeking it whether they are fortunate enough to be blessed with it or work for it. Don’t stand in the way, lead by example and guide them. Be the light for their path, not the lines or rails of it. In life there is ONLY one thing and only one thing that is for sure and that is death. Be thankful of what you have.
Lee Iacocca said it best: “Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way!”
As NASA has stated many times, “Failure is not an option!”, and it should never be. Don’t give up.
Ten Commandments of fatherhood as told to me and have come to me from others.
- Let it be known that a lie is much worse than telling the truth no matter what it is. Lies just make things worse and erode the fragile bond of trust one might call the family.
- Be the dad first and best friend second. You must know when to whisper. Know when to shout. Know when to say NO and when to say yes. Teach them to know when to forgive. Teach them patience and tolerance. Know when to take the training wheels off, just as easy as when to take the gloves off.
- Be strong, yet bendable when it comes to disciplining. Don’t insist on always having things your way. Listen to their side of the story before making a decision. Remember there are always three sides to the story, yours, theirs, and the truth, which is somewhere in the middle. Hard and fast rules have a way of backfiring. Learn to compromise and adjust to the situation.
- See the long and big of the picture. You are the role model, the measuring stick that they may gauge their future mate to. Little girls first fall in love with their daddy, and look for someone like them for a husband. Your kids will listen to you more times than not. My dad said to me “Son, the longer I live, the more right I will be!”, and for the most part he was correct. Not always, but a good part of the time he was and is right. Your kids will learn values/morals from you. That old thing we call right from wrong. For the rest of their lives, one of their first thoughts in most situations will be, “What would dad do or say!”
- Strive for perfection, but know that there will never be perfection and at times their best is good enough. Let them know you are not perfect either. People have a hard time dealing with me because I am the type of person who is right most of the time, about 98.6 percent of the time to be exact. I am very black/white, right/wrong, yes/no person. My grey area is very small. I have an awe that intimidates some, make others feel uncomfortable, some even feel scared of. I do make mistakes and when I do I am big enough of a man to admit it. Don’t be too stubborn not to admit a mistake to your children.
- Spend as much time with them, because at some point they will want to spend very little time with you and more becoming an individual. They will disengage from parents and before long, develop their own family. Be sure to always wave and blow kisses when are doing their play at school. Be as important as they want you to be, show up for their track meets or wrestling matches. Know what activities are in their hearts not just in their lives.
- Show them we should be fair, but all things are not always fair. Life isn’t fair and that is a hard lesson to learn even for adults. If you should be so lucky that they have an exceptional high IQ, teach them you don’t have to feel sorry that others don’t. Allow them to share, but not to be taking advantage of.
- Show them that planning and organization is very important, but so is improvisation/shooting from the hip. You can plan for all outcomes and still not get it correct. You should have a BP (battle plan) and also a plan B. Teach them the “6P’s”--- Proper --- Planning --- Prevents --- Piss --- Poor --- Performance. Tell them that the lines are not always your friends and sometimes thinking outside the box is not enough. Sometimes you have to live outside the box. Teach them that a circle block will fit in the circle hole, but also in the square hole with enough force.
- Help guide them, but realize you cannot relive your life through them. You cannot vicariously relive your life through your kids. You had your chance. This is their time to shine. Support them on whatever path they may choose to take. You can makeup for mistakes your parents made with you, but you will make new ones. After all, they are your mistakes to make, even GOD allows for mistakes in your and their DNA.
- Let them be kids. Most of the time kids need to be kids. Many parents try to turn their kids into mini-adults and some think that the two are the same. They are not, there are some things that kids should not see, hear or experience. Too often, because it is convenient for the parents, they allow their kids to act or do adult things. A lot of parents signup their kids for all these activities, just so their kids are busy. Just so the parents don’t have to spend their time with the kids, much like an activities babysitter. Kids want to play and have fun with other kids, not always just learning how to hit a baseball, or shoot a jump shot, or stuck in some classroom. Teach your daughter that if she wants to be a race car driver or a fighter pilot, she can go for it. She can do what ever she puts her mind to it. Don’t let old school, chauvinistic pigs tell her or influence her that she cannot or should not. A few things in life are truly men’s or women’s only. If she has a stick in her hand it maybe to her a magic wand or a sword. Let her play along. Forget being “PC”, but be mindful not to fall into the society pressure to turn boys into girls and girls into boys.
Ages to allow:
15 - Go to mall alone
10 – Ride bike alone
13 – Be home alone or baby sit
13 - Ride in front seat of car
Walking to school:
8 - With help
10 - Alone
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