I am an Ultra-Conservative, Alpha-Male, True Authentic Leader, Type "C" Personality, who is very active in my community; whether it is donating time, clothes or money for Project Concern or going to Common Council meetings and voicing my opinions. As a blogger, I intend to provide a different viewpoint "The way I see it!" on various world, national and local issues with a few helpful tips & tidbits sprinkled in.
* "Projection is the opposite defense mechanism to identification. We project our own unpleasant feelings onto someone else and blame them for having thoughts that we really have."
* "A defense mechanism in which the individual attributes to other people impulses and traits that he himself has but cannot accept. It is especially likely to occur when the person lacks insight into his own impulses and traits."
* "Attributing one's own undesirable traits to other people or agencies, e.g. a man who has promiscuous impulses attributes those impulses to others."
* "The individual perceives in others the motive he denies having himself. Thus the cheat is sure that everyone else is dishonest."
* "A man harboring attractions for a woman would perceive other men has having the same attractions for her."
* "People attribute their own undesirable traits onto others. An individual who unconsciously harbors his or her aggressive/sexual tendencies may then imagine other people acting in an excessively aggressive or sexual way."
* "An individual who possesses malicious characteristics, but who is unwilling to perceive himself as an antagonist, convinces himself that his opponent feels and would act the same way."
Projection is an especially commonly used defense mechanism in people with certain personality disorders:
* Paranoid personality disorder
* Narcissistic personality disorder
* Antisocial personality disorder
We all have irrational thoughts, which keep us caught in anger and neurotic behavior. Erroneous beliefs are beliefs and defenses we build up and replay with anger so we do not have to know the truth about our self They are called errors of thought or cognitions. These errors in thinking are defense mechanisms that we have learned at an early age, but do not work as we grow older. When people impose rigid expectations on themselves, other people, and the world because of their beliefs, they are likely to experience unnecessary emotional distress.
Over Generalized Thinking. Over Generalized statements are exaggerations. For example, 'He NEVER considers my opinion. You ALWAYS interrupt me. She ALWAYS tells me what to do. I have to do ALL the work. I NEVER get a break. EVERYBODY picks on me.’ Watch your language for 'never, always, should, everybody, 'I can't stand it and I can't take it anymore.'
Making an Assumption and Running with it. What you assume is only what you assume. Assumptions may or may not be true. There may be other reasons why things happen. Generate multiple reasons why you think something has happened. Check out your assumption with others to get to the facts of the issue. Jumping to conclusions is another form of making an assumption and acting on it as if it were true.
Closed Mind Thinking. 'Don't tell me anything 'I know best for me' kind of thinking. Stubborn insistence on one's own opinion without taking in information from others can be a set up for rigidity in life.
Preoccupation with Right and Wrong and Perceived Injustice. Blaming others is a way of life for some people. If you hear yourself continually saying, 'It's not fair!' then you are focusing on the negative instead of going into problem solving. Much of life really isn't fair! So what? Keeping score of slights from others and dwelling on them creates a climate of hurt and suspicion. Having a list of 'shoulds' for the partner, which are inconsistent with his or her personality, will undermine a relationship. Focusing on unfairness keeps them caught in anger, resentment and grudges. (Hey, life frequently is unfair, but focusing on it only makes you more miserable!)
Grudge Holding is a habit that is hard to break into. People who harbor grudges have deeper issues of mistrust. Grudge holding is a learned behavior that is prevalent in some families. Grudges fan the fire of anger as a way of trying to feel safe by feeling powerful in fantasy. Grudge holding appears to be a way to attempt to control negative situations by retaining the angry feelings. Grudges are a habit of feeling self-righteous and distance one's self instead of dealing with the real problem.
Revenge Thoughts are grudges plus wanting to get even with the other person. Revengeful thoughts are basically selfish in nature with the belief of 'I have the right to hurt him because he injured me.' which is based on beliefs of 'It's not fair.’ Revenge is 'I can enjoy thoughts of hurting another person in my mind to get back at him.’ Revenge creates a pseudo self-esteem of feeling good about one's self by relishing ideas of harming another person. Vengeful thoughts can actually trigger endorphins in the brain which associate hurting others with feeling good. Grudges fan the fire of anger as a way of trying to feel safe by feeling powerful in fantasy. Grudge holding and revenge are way of putting up walls to guard the self against further hurt. Revenge is challenging to break into because of their positive value of enjoyment and feelings of entitlement (I have the right to hurt him and feel good about it.) Acting in ways that make you successful is the best revenge for any hurt that has been done to you..
Egocentric thinking. Taking things personally is a sure-fire set up for unhappiness. Thin-skinned people usually have a big pool of hurt inside. If your feels get hurt more than others, get into therapy to find out why and what to do to toughen up. Suffering in silence or saying 'You make me feel....' is the most common error here. No one can make you feel anything. Your feelings are entirely your own.
Entitlement thinking. This way of viewing the world is to believe that your way is right and is the only way. If others do not agree with you, anger comes up. The belief is 'You must agree with me and do things my way or I have the right (I'm entitled) to get angry. Empathy is the ability to see things from the perspective of another person and feel compassion. The only person we can change is our self--to dwell on how others do not meet our needs keeps you in anger or depression.
The False Consensus Effect. They are in error when they assume that others think the same way that they do. Gullible people cannot understand how devious others can be, because they do not have that negative framework in their brain. Angry ,manipulative people make up the worst about others in their minds. They see others as bad while excusing the same traits in themselves. People often see their own attitudes and behavior as 'normal' and overestimate the best or the worst in others.
Projection is a common defense mechanism where a person gets upset with a trait in someone else that he wishes to deny in himself. They suppress the knowledge that they have the same trait and externalize blame on the other person. They are highly sensitized to the unwanted behaviors in others and transfer their horror and anger at their own unwanted inner trait to an outside person. Much of their internal thought or words during an argument is focused on blaming the other person. We all have a bit of projection in us, but some people have the need to blame others big time, thus obstructing their own growth and learning.
People who project blame often feel a hidden stigma and shame at possessing a disgraceful personality trait so they 'project' or transfer anger on others to distract themselves from knowing the truth about their own self. They become so highly sensitized to the presence of their unwanted traits that it interferes with their social informational processing. So they don't see reality as it is and then operate out of their misperceptions. How do you know if you are projecting your anger on others? Preoccupation, judgments and anger about others' behavior are projection. If you spot it, you got it!
Always Putting the Blame on Others. For some people, the first reaction to a problem is to find someone to blame. Blaming is a defense mechanism to avoid taking personal responsibility for the situation. The blamer rapidly finds fault in the other person and criticizes them. Trying to find a solution to the problem is much better than looking for someone to blame. Blaming is a pattern in some families that keeps people from becoming closer. People who blame others or situations without taking responsibility for their contribution to the problem never get the sense of satisfaction of growth. By refusing to see their own errors, they lose the opportunity to change the very aspects of themselves that keep them stuck.